Captain Fawcett Tube Key

Marvellous for ensuring that you get the very last smigden of value out of a tube of Captian Fawcett (or other barnds) tubes of shaving cream. Sadly, however, I forund this totally useless when I encountered Extinction Rebellion protesters recently on the Metropolitan & City line. Not only did it not work on the London Underground but was equally useless on the DLR as well. The Captain has been advised of this shortcoming.

That said I’ve fournd this item is really useful for toothpaste, tomato puree, evo-stick and high melting point grease. You might also want to use it for Captain Fawcett’s Shaving Cream, available here.

It is also an ideal gift for cagophilists everywhere.